I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
