Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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