We're like a lot better than the average bears
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Randomize
