Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Everclear isn't food dammit
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
