Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
