Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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