The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
