She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
The ass gains better be worth it
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