careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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