so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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