i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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