Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
