Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
