Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
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