3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
