I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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