I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
