Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
