dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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