Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
