I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
