All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
