i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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