All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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