I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
