God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
