Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
