dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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