I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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