Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
