I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
