kristin has been a bad kristin
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
