so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
