we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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