Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
