absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
