I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
