Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
