wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
