Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
