I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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