return my video game
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
