dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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