What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Is her dick bigger than yours?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
