my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
