Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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