Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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