Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
