Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
is wine microwaveable?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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