I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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