I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
