Operation Purity has been aborted
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
