My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
That's intense
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
