Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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