So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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