Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
