She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
